Dreamweaver

Christmastime makes me fat.

and for the most part, I blame my mom.

Yesterday morning I got up, put eggnog in my coffee, had a few Christmas cookies, ate some candy she’s got placed THROUGHOUT the house, THEN I noticed a third of a cake sitting on the kitchen counter. 

“where did this cake come from?!”

“oh I dunno, it was in the freezer”

So now, she’s filling this house with sugar just for the hell of it. And if sweets are in front of me, you bet your balls I’m going to eat them. So really, if this is hell, does that make me…